Vent

I sit here in a quiet house, 2 kids asleep. Sounds like a parents dream right? The major problem with this one is that its missing one kid and its more like a recurring nightmare. Another night of hospitalization for a 16 month old who has spent so much time escaping those hollow, disinfectant smelling hallways, and another night of worry for us.

On the surface, this one would seem to be the most minor of her issues, but if you look deeper, it is nearly as troubling.

• She was almost hospitalized twice last year with pneumonia.
• She has had breathing issues from the beginning of her 7 week early entrance to this world.
• Her body weight and size are no help in the matter as they have never had a real chance to catch up.
• Her immune system as a whole is weaker than the rest due to incubator time, birth weight, medical issues and so forth.

To make matters worse, we are still trying to figure out the Health System here. It would have been nice to have a better understanding before things started to go haywire. Or to have family, friends, and neighbors to support us or help out in these circumstances. I guess no matter where we are, it will always be a shock, but another country and Doctors and practices and procedures is, in my mind, a little more than what we might experience in the U.S. if, say, one of her Doc's was on vacation and we had to deal with some one new.


She is a trooper and I am not in any way attempting to over-dramatize this instance. More to the point, I am trying to rationalize and get a clear picture of what the rest of her life/our lives are going to look like. We try not to live in fear of scary words such as "shunt failure," "seizure," "stroke," "developmental delay," and "pneumonia," but I am beginning to wonder if we are truly taking it day by day and trying to be positive, or are we deluding ourselves in fear of seeing the real story. Should we instead prepare for our lives to be tossed into a washing machine once, twice, three times a year?
 
On top of it all, these other two little girls, are having to deal with Real World issues far too soon. As a parent you'd like to be able to shelter your kids and protect them from the ugliness of the world around them. Rian had her second birthday interrupted by an early preganancy and has, unfortunately, had too much attention taken away from her too soon. We both agree that this may be one reason for the--shall we call it rambunctiousness--that she possesses. And poor Baylie. Today, while at school, the mother of one of her classmates died suddenly. By the end of the day, they found out it was a stroke. Baylie doesn't say or show much, but surely these things affect her. I hope, over time, she realizes the need to talk about these issues as opposed to bottling them up. Lord knows, that tactic never worked for me.
 
So...anyone reading this. If you haven't already, or even if you have, it won't kill you, say a prayer for us. All of us. I know that I am blessed to have a wonderful family, both near and far. Thank you for all of your thoughts, and your notes and well-wishes.
 
C