Something different

Ok. Something different for me. Most of you know that I used to write, I used to write a lot actually. Between time and family, I have not written until recently when I started this little blog venture. Well it apparently has inspired me to write what I like again as well. My first poem in years, with a bit of a twist. I tried to take more of a lyrical approach to it, which was tough considering I only have the music in my head and no talent to get it out. Anyhow, its in song form.
And I would like to share it. This is also quite strange for me, because it is a personal thing, and I mostly share my work with people who are close to me in 1-1 settings. Apart from college peices, which were assigned and therefore, not as personal. So here is the first rough draft. Still tweaking and tinkering with some words, phrases, cadence, but here it is. Those of you who have known me since mid-college days should recognize what this is.
So I envision, musically, that it would start slow, build to chorus, pick up second stanza, carry through to a slowing second chorus, with a slow-down third stanza, final chorus. Anyhow, I welcome critique as long as it is helpful. And you musical friends--Kelli, Shawn, Larry, Bob, Aaron, UD--feel free to submit music. ;-) Oh, and try not to be too harsh.

When it all began,
right from the start
felt just like a plan
from one to another heart

And time flies when
you're having fun
wish I'd know then
how quickly we'd be done

(Ch. ?)
Endings are hardly ever good
and rarely ever understood
There's only one letter
between bitter and better
Its  over all the same
Our forever ended yesterday

Built that wall up brick by brick
Added a gate and a heavy lock
made sure those walls were extra thick
sat back, looked about, took stock

And time drags when
you're broken up inside
wish I'd know then
could've run away to hide

Endings are hardly ever good
and rarely ever understood
There's only one letter
between bitter and better
Its over all the same
My forever ended yesterday

Late night, busy bar, glasses clinking
A quick look, our eyes met, we shared a smile
And amongst the people drinking
We stood and talked for awhile

Long talks, long drives, long walks
brick after brick was scattered around
then came a gift in small box
and with a yes, the last brick came down

Beginnings are full of fun and desire
and require much more after the fire
with a heartfelt letter
you turned bitter to better
What a difference a decade made
My forever started yesterday

Our forever starts everyday.

ABC's of Blessing's (Parent's version)

So, to continue with yesterday's theme, here is Leasea's, followed by mine. Enjoy

A - asterisk
B - Baylie
C - Chris
D - dogs
E - extras
F - family
G - God
H - home
I - imagination
J - Jesus
K -Kelsie
L - love
M - money
N - noise
O - obstacles
P - passion (woo hoo! lucky me!)
Q - quirkiness
R - Rian
S - salvation
T - today
U - "un-do" button (on the computer, I was hoping she meant real life. Could really market that.)
V - voice
W - water
X - Excel
Y - yearning
Z - zippers


A - Airplanes
B - Baylie
C - Chicago Cubs
D - Dogs
E - eggs
F - Family
G - God
H - Home/house
I - Immaculate conception
J - Leasea's JOB
K - Kelsie-bug
L - love
M - Military
N - naivete
O - origins
P - Parents
Q - quarrels
R - Rian
S - Spring
T - tomorrow
U - unfinished
V - visits
W - wonderment
X - clear X-rays
Y - youth
Z - zest

Some of these may be readily clear as to why they are blessings, others may not. I guess when it comes down to it, for me at least, some of the things that I feel blessed by are things that make me stronger and better. And truth be told, the good things don't always do that. You have to have the bad things, to recognize the good. To grow.
Or to quote one of my favorite recording artists, "you know life would be awfully boring if the good times were all that we had."
And if you aren't my parents, one of my daughters, or my wife, and weren't mentioned by name, don't worry; if you are reading this, you fall under the "F" for family. And you all should know who you are.
Love,
C

ABC's of Blessings (Kids version)

Thanks Lynz for the idea, fun around the dinner table last night as we came up with these. Rian had to be prompted and suggested letter sounds and words on most, but she came up with some on here own too. Baylie did hers all on her own.
So here goes, free of any of my comments regarding validity or quality:
Rian
A - Angels ("I was angel at school!")
B - Busy Bees ("That's my school!")
C - cats ("We had a cat, didn't we?")
D - Dad
E - eyeballs (came up with this on her own, actually)
F - Flowers
G - God ("God make us all better, don't he?")
H - hills
I - Ice cream
J - jelly
K - Kelsie
L - ladybugs
M - Mouse (got upset when we suggested Mom)
N - Night night dresses
O - ovals (all on her own too)
P - Punching bags (on her own, thanks Nonni for "Kels'" Valentines)
Q - "quack quacks" from ducks
R - rice (on her own)
S - Snail shells (her own)
T - Tia (her own, friend from school)
U - unicorns
V - Valentine's cards ("I made one of those!")
W - watches
X - X-rays ("I had x-rays of my hand!")
Y - yellow
Z - zebras

Baylie
A - animals
B - blood
C - canteloupe
D - dogs
E - eagles
F - fishing rods
G - God
H - house
I - ice cream
J - jam
K - knowledge
L - lanes
M - monkeys
N - needles
O - oceans
P - plans
Q - queens
R - rabbits
S - school
T - trees
U - umbrellas
V - vultures
W - washing machines
X - x-rays
Y - yams
Z - zoos

Mine and Lace's to come!

A new "note"

Is there anything better than a memory to bring about emotions? I mean, real, raw, pure emotion. Unequivocated joy, racking sorrow, wistful dreams, or whatever else the moment holds; memory holds the puppet strings to the heart.

Now some may argue that living in the moment is better, but I would say that as soon as you enjoy the moment, it is a memory. The moment passed with awe-sinspiring quickness, and all that is left is the vapor trail in your mind's eye. We could all go on and on about memories that have left their marks on our souls, but, since it's my blog, I'll be the one going on and on. ;-)

At this moment, I'd like to talk about Pop. My dad. Sure there are too many memries to mention in one blog post, so I'll narrow it down a little. Is it coming home from busting his hump all day and helping me/coaching me until dark? Now that was nice, but it was never really his thing, so I'll move on. Was it coming home from the Gulf after the Desert Storm? Unforgettable, but no. We've seen lots of great movies (when we didn't get along so great & we didn't have to talk much) but that's not where I'm going. Or how about some more recent trips (now that we are both older and get along better)? Nope, not those either, although those have been good as well.

The one constant between my dad and I that I can remember with vivid clarity is music. We don't always agree on selections. He has some talent in the area, I have none; apart from recognition of quality. Matter of fact, I am the only non-musical person in my family. But I digress. From early days sitting and listening to records on headphones; old tracks by Frank and Mel Torme, to riding up front on road trips while Mom at in the back, listening to Highwaymen. And on to the first present I bought with my own, hard-earned money at my first job--an Aerosmith concert, which became yearly tradition. Or a Father's day trip to Austin to see ZZ Top, or trading e-mails about tracks, or having long conversations about what was setting our hair on fire at the moment, old or new. (His hair must burn quicker) These memories are my favorites. These are what I hope to never forget about Dad.

We are both passionate about our choices, and its one area where we don't have too many disagreements. He doesn't enjoy any rap, where I appreciate some quality. I am not huge into some of his classical choices. But these are minor. Especially compared to some of the other doozies we've had over the years. What makes it so great is that music is so vast and ever-changing, that we will be creating new memories all the time. And we can re-visit old discussions. Tastes change, as we all know, and a song you used to not like, you may enjoy now. Or even better, one you haven't heard in a long time gets played on the radio; I mean how great is that?

So thanks, Pop. Thanks for giving me an appreciation of music. Thanks for taking the journey with me. Most of all, thanks for being a great Dad, I love you.

Where'd this all come from? "La Grange" was on the radio here today. Such a great tune. Cranked it up and hoped my kids enjoyed it. Better yet, I hope they remember it.

Its nice

It sure is nice to feel welcome. Everyone likes to feel welcome, right? It is a great feeling to walk into someplace and see a familiar face or even just a smiling one sometimes. I can't think of anybody who would LIKE to be shunned and excluded. Hmmm...
I got asked many things about being here while I was back visiting over the holidays, but one question that was most asked was, "are the people nice?" My standard response was, "well, sure, but its a different kind of nice." And then I would go into how, where and how I was raised, if someone new moved into the neighborhood, you went and knocked on the door, offered your name and a handshake--at the VERY least--and likely a cassserole or cookies. People are more reserved here, they are friendly, polite, but mostly quiet and keeping to themselves. I appreciate that, and it might be different if we lived closer to the city. While it is strange, I am adapting.
I am adapting, mainly, because of the wonderful people at our family oriented village pub. Not only have the owners, landlords, and staff welcomed me and the family, the regulars have as well. We are to the point where we now get invited for things. One guy has invited me to learn squash, one to take me to a WWII museum, and the golf society opened up to me right away.
Most of all though, the landlord, Mitch and his partner, Sarah have made me feel most at home. I, the new, American guy, have been invited to Mitch's 30th birthday on Saturday! I think that is pretty great. One of those, once in a lifetime shindigs, and they invited me. I am very excited to go and very humbled they invited me. Not that I should have expected it, but Mitch lets me know if they have something new, or something going on--like a random wine tasting to help pick new wines for the pub; they got us a card at Christmas, and even one at Thanksgiving, trying to show their hospitality. Really sweet.
They are wonderful ambassadors for the community as well, volunteering, raising money for causes, handling village functions, and being a information point for all things in the region. They are well liked, well respected, and on top of it all they run a first rate pub. Top quality food, Ales, and conversation.
They are really a credit to England, this region, and our generation. Thank you Mitch and Sarah for your friendship this first stretch of our stay here. I, for one, would have been lost without you guys!

Am I the only one?

Its time to put it all on the line. Step right up to make fun of me if I am the only one, but I gotta get this off my chest. Who knows, that may be all I need.

Okay, so here goes. Does anyone else ever feel like they are still a scared little, snot-nosed kid? I mean, I am 30--not AARP yet, but not a kid by a longshot--and there are times when I would just like to curl up and cry. I guess I do the adult version of that, because I get cranky and lash out, or get quiet and withdrawn. Is this a normal thing or am I just weird? Better yet, is it ok? Or most importantly, is this one of those man secrets that I was supposed to stay hushed about and now will lose my man card?

The thing is, I do cry, everyone of you knows that. What I am asking is if it is ok to be that scared little blond munchkin, wandering in Briarwood Mall at 7 years old who didn't listen to his mom and ran off. Thing is, that time, my mom was still watching. Just letting me learn from my mistake. And then she was there to hug me and let me breakdown. 

I know not all of you are religious, but go with me here for a sec, indulge me. Is that instance the same as now, when I am scared and feel lost and helpless and just want to break down, God is watching, letting me learn whatever lesson it is I need to move on and become stronger. And then, he is there to comfort me afterwards. He sends people in the form of a SS class when you are told your daughter is not going to make it. Best friends who have seen me through all my drama, ups and downs, and still love me. Or a wife, who comes along right when you've decided to give up looking for a partner. Or parents, who have been there for scraped elbows, knee surgeries, broken bones, and all the other "stuff".

Many of you know that I had a rough first couple of years of college. Looking back, those problems weren't that massive, I was just immature and unprepared to deal with them. So I tried suicide. People get taken aback when I mention it--its taboo, don't ya know--but for me it is a reality. And you know what? I am thankful for that collapse. It made me realize how many people cared for me. It made me look at things in a different light. It made me realize how easily I got overwhelmed in certain circumstances. It made me realize how scared I was, and that my emotions needed to be redirected. I was scared and went the easy route; I was an emotional hurricane, usually fueled by beer, who could go from happy to tears in not time, and for no real reason. Now, while most of you know that last part hasn't changed, I feel I have the rest of it in perspective. Or at least I am working on getting it so.

I am still scared. I am scared of what medical issues await my family. I am scared to be so far away from my loved ones. I am scared about change in general. I am scared to be alone. I am scared for my extended family and the issues that they face. I am scared.

But I think that is ok.

What's that you say?!?

This is a quick one, but I would like to declare myself on the "global warming is a lie" side. *gasp* (And its not just because of the recent cold snap. that'd be too easy and extremely misguided...but it sure is cold, and there are 3 inches on the ground.)

How could I? What a shock!

Actually there are as many scientists who believe that this "global warming" is cyclical and no more harmful than it has been for the last 500 years--the time of the "mini ice age" thta began 500 years ago, lasted a couple hundred years and has been getting warmer since. And that first ice age? It got warmer after that too. Duh.

There are as  many as 30000 scientists who have filed suit against Gore, led by John Coleman. They can't get any airtime. There isn't any real drama in "we could improve, but things are ok." Google "global warming swindle" if you have 76 minutes free. There is this one too: http://www.globalwarminglies.com/. Or this: http://www.crossroad.to/articles2/009/green-lies.htm. And many more just like them.

I am not asking you to agree with me. At least not outright. I am asking that instead of believing whatever the news tells you, check out the other side of an argument. Make an informed decision. My generation is awful about this, I hate to say, but we are like herds of sheep, blindly going wherever we are directed.

Anyhow, that's it. Not asking for a debate, or for you to leave your opinions, just hope and pray that more of my friends will prove how smart I know they are and do some research before believing just anything they hear.